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When I was a girl, growing up in the small township of Rockland, New York, there was a tiny post office, which was a small room with a separate entry in the house next door. Rockland’s official postmistress was Clara Weiss, who seemed very elderly even when I was a very small child. She was what we used to call a “maiden lady” or spinster, who had dedicated her life to taking care of her mother, who was disabled, and also not quite balanced. Mrs. Weiss had one leg, and frequently escaped from the house and crawled around the yard, yelling strange things. Clara, as you might suppose, did not have much of a social life. After her mother died, and Rockland lost its tiny post office (we had to go into the slightly larger town of Roscoe, a mile away) Clara went to work in the central postoffice, about 20 miles away. There, she met a co-worker, and when she was 73 years old, I remember that we gave her a bridal lingerie shower. It really is never too late to fall in love. Clara moved away to live with her husband, and they had about 10 good years together.

A number of years ago, a friend and former student of Richard’s, who was in her 70′s reconnected with an ex whose marriage proposal she had rejected in her 20′s, because he had a drinking problem. In the intervening years, they both married other people, had children and full lives. Fifty years after their first romance, when both were widowed, he tracked her down, she went down to San Diego to meet him for lunch, and didn’t return for a week. They, too, married, and had some happy years together.

A very dear friend of mine, who lives in another city and has been divorced for many years, has been living happily for a couple of years with the man she met in college and decided not to marry. They had each married other people, had children, divorced years ago and reconnected last year. They are happy together.

In addition to these stories of reconnected love, I often see clients in my practice who get back together after breaking up or divorcing. In fact, some couples come to me after they have broken up several times because of fighting and disagreements, but something always pulls them back together. Surprisingly enough, many people do start dating again after they’ve divorced or split up. I believe in the power of love, and if your heart is yearning; It’s fine to reach out to a first or former love—as long as you do it properly.

You may never have really resolved the old relationship satisfactorily, or one or both of you may have matured and become a more suitable candidate for a relationship. Lots of people find out they appreciate each other more after they’ve been apart for a while. Also, as I said, I’ve seen a number of couples re-connect joyously much later in life, after having marriages and families with other partners.

It depends on how accurate your memory is, and how good or bad the reality feels. If it’s good, then you really think it was ”love at first sight.” If it’s bad, you are left with “what was I thinking?” It’s very easy to idealize someone you’ve never known well—the reality never impinges on the fantasy, so the ideal person doesn’t tarnish. You remember a rosy picture of perfection. That’s difficult to let go of, if you never get a reality check.

Can this really work, or will it just fall apart again? Here’s how to see if you and your ex can make it work.

Dr. Romance’s Guidelines for Improving the Odds with your Ex

• Consider seeing a therapist on your own, to get expert help to decide if you’re searching for this old love for the right reasons; and to help you get some perspective on what might need to be corrected.

• Make a careful first contact: strictly “Hi, how are you doing?” For example, if you see the old love on Facebook, try sending a message and asking to be friends. Don’t say anything about still having feelings. Your old love may very well be married now, or even gay. You need to find out what’s going on before making a move.

• Be aware whether forgiveness is needed. Did you hurt this person’s feelings way back in college? Were you hurt? Old, unresolved feelings can hang around a long time, and erupt when you least expect it.

• If you get a positive response, go very slowly. Rushing into things means you’re trying to avoid some truths. If it’s going to work, it will go better if you take the time to build a better foundation than you had before.

• Treat it like a new relationship. Start from the beginning, and do it differently—it could work this time.

• Analyze what went wrong the last time, and consciously try to fix the old problems. If you cannot talk honestly about what went wrong and what to do differently, you’ll never change anything.

• Make sure your ex is as determined to improve on the old relationship as you are. If he or she is blaming you for everything that went wrong, disaster is immanent. If you’re blaming your ex, it’s just as big a problem.

• Insist on couples therapy for both of you. Pre-commitment therapy can help you find out the pitfalls and whether you’ve solved the old problems.

After all this, you might still find it’s too late to remedy the problem that led to the breakup. You may discover you’re clinging to a fantasy that is not supported by reality. If you try to re-kindle an old love, and it doesn’t work, then you’re faced with letting go—again.

You might even have the urge to try harder because breaking up finally gets through the denial and the fantasy that behaving badly or not cooperating is OK. We also have a lot of cultural mythology about “I’ll never stop loving you” which says clinging and martyring to this lost love means you are truly in love. But clinging to an impossible lost love is unrealistic.

You must understand that a relationship is a partnership, and requires work from both partners in order to succeed. The initial romance stage isn’t supposed to last, the relationship is supposed to grow into a real life partnership, and that requires paying attention, learning and growth. It’s not a fairy tale—it’s a real life love story, and well worth the work required. If you give nothing, you get nothing. Love is something we create by working together, and one person can’t force it.

Clinging to a lost love can turn toxic: persisting in showing up at your ex’s house, calling or showing up at work, threatening physical harm, calling your ex’s family and friends, or otherwise interfere with his or her life, will not only push your ex away, it is illegal in many states, and defined as stalking. Sometimes, clinging is encouraged, wittingly or unwittingly, by an ex who doesn’t really want to be with you, but who either doesn’t want to ‘hurt you’ or is still getting benefits (financial help, sex without commitment, you do the laundry, you’re willing to take the kids more than your share) that he or she doesn’t want to jeopardize. But this one-sided arrangement will not make you happy, and it’s probably time to move on.

Once you’re bonded with someone, it’s very painful to let go. Since most of us like to avoid our feelings, we don’t want to do the grieving that’s necessary to let go. But, when you’ve had a loss, there are a certain number of tears you must cry to let go—getting on with the crying is the fastest way. Also, the dissolution of the relationship might not have been your idea, so you’re clinging to a dream—in denial. And letting go is the path to finding the love you want.

I wish you love—whether it is rekindled, or you move on and create something brand new.

‘Nonsense.’ That was the term my mother often used when I slipped in a few lies here and there about how my brother broke the antique lamp or that the fight at school was completely not my fault. However I was certain, she had never used the word to describe the scene that was playing out in front of my very own eyes on this particular Saturday night; but I’m sure she would definitely agree with the description.

It was just past twilight, in fact, the sky still held a dark purple hue that lay tucked beneath the black curtain of night just on the western horizon. The air was husky with pine needles and old dirt that the local Arizona farmers had tilled up earlier that afternoon. But that was what really raised up the bumps along my skin. Normality contradicted this sci-fi bull-hockey so much that it left chills roaming the rigid vertebrates of my spine. I mean, come on, who would have thought a vampire looking dude would ever be caught fighting what looked to be the most freaky boogie man ever in Arizona’s own backyard?

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They moved to a silent rhythm, duplicated the second most ridiculous dance that I have ever seen. The first dance would have to be my brother’s after his 18th birthday when he sneaked out and got drunk.

The man moved quickly, however, and was able to get the upper hand in things without much of a struggle. Looking back, I suppose it only lasted a few minutes but at that moment, I could have sworn time had been just as too transfixed as I was to move. I sucked in a heavy breath of those big ole’ pine needles just as the vampire raised his clawed fist as he jumped before bringing down his hand onto the hairy, black beast’s massive head, splitting it in half without anything more than a sickening ‘crunch’.

‘The bigger they are, the bigger they fall’, came to my mind as the monster collided with the rocky path that divided two soil pastures. Although, I was pretty sure my heart could have been heard all the way to Illinois, the vampire man did not make any acknowledgment to my presence as he slumped over the monstrous corpse and began a low, monotone chant.

At that point there was no doubt in my mind, I was either insane or I was having hallucinations. As if assuring I was crazy, the man swept his fingertips along one of the monster’s four eyes and it vanished with the conclusion of his chant that ended with the word ‘muri’. The word rolled off his tongue, heavily dosed with an unrecognizable accent, sourly as if it tasted bad just to say. His accent was nothing like the cowboy drawl that easily wooed me, but it was much more mysterious and compelling. It made a preacher’s daughter want to dive on into the McCiver’s pond, bare skinned just like the Harver’s twins that had no problem strutting their God gifted double d’s that put to shame my regular b’s.

By now the moon had become more apparent since the purple had completely faded and left behind a starry heaven that mocked everything which had happened within the past minutes. Just as I thought, I would be left unseen sitting beneath the large pine tree, I was proven gravely mistaken and the vampire arched his chin and turned his eyes from the ground onto my own. Although, I was pretty positive, my face, including my green eyes, were veiled by the tree limbs’ shadows. He seemed to look into them directly. It was as if I had gone ahead and stripped without the pond and was standing naked just inches from him. The distance between us stretched out a good thirty-feet, but I already knew he had dark eyes and a set of strong bone features that complimented his natural manly features just by watching him fight earlier. His face was exquisite but it seemed impossible for it not to be when it was attached to the evenly toned six-feet body that was shown off beneath nothing but a leather jacket and a pair of raggedy blue jeans. For second time that night, time seemed to stand still as neither of us moved or spoke. It was bone chilling how his expression stayed so blank for so long.

At last, I exhaled heavily unable to hold in my breath any longer, causing his eyebrow to twitch in mild irritation, as if he had hoped I were dead. The book on my lap fell to the ground with a muffled ‘thud’ as I stood up quickly, my eyes never leaving his. I already had mapped out a plan that involved running and more running with my tail tucked nicely between my legs. The only problem was he was in the path of my house and if I chanced going another direction, I would have twice the land to cover before I ran into another house. Not to mention, I was a horrible runner.

When I moved, he did nothing but stared with his hands idly in his pockets and a distant expression on his face. What would he do if I tried to run past him? Maybe, I could make it to Harold’s house in time before he was able to catch up. But I knew I was only kidding myself into believing that I could actually outmatch this guy. At last, time picked up again and aggravation as well as fear caused me to break.

“What?” I asked shakily, placing a hand on my hip. “Stop your staring, Mister!”

Okay, this was most definitely not the brightest thing to do or say to a potential psychotic killer. It was like those dumb blond girls on horror movies who called out ‘who’s there’, or ‘hello’, as if the killer would just come out and talk to them. The vampire continued to stare at me for a few more minutes before his lips parted into a sharp toothy smile; the same smile I had seen when he had been slicing away at the monster. His teeth were abnormally jagged behind his lips, which was why I had assumed he was a vampire. I stomped my foot angrily at his smile; again I admit not the brightest thing I’d ever done.

“What is so fun-…?”

Within a split second, the man had vanished just to reappear less than a foot away from me, causing my sentence to halt to a dead stop with a lump of terror in my throat that cut off my breath as well. He outstretched his hand towards my cheek, his expression savage and wild, and leaned forward enough that I could taste his mint breath. I did not mean to notice the way his lush eyelashes fluttered as his exhale broke off with a whisper or the way his lower lip extended slightly further out than the upper as his tongue rolled beneath the weight of the words.

“Frumos nebun.”

And then he was gone.

MATTHEWS, N.C.–(BUSINESS WIRE)–It’s no secret that being a mom is more than a full-time job, so wouldn’t you agree that she deserves special recognition at least one day a year? Mother’s Day is May 12, and Family Dollar, one of the fastest-growing discount retail chains in the country, has everything you need to make this Mother’s Day memorable, for less.

“At Family Dollar, we have expanded our Mother’s Day offerings to ensure we have the perfect gift for every mother, stepmother, grandmother, aunt or any other special woman in your life”

Family Dollar has everything you need to show Mom how much you care, from an expanded assortment of cards and candy to fun fashion finds, like maxi dresses and stylish accessories. Family Dollar is also your one-stop-shop for gifts like bubble bath, candles and slippers to help Mom relax. Plus, thanks to Family Dollar’s expanded selection of foods, baking and decorating items, you can give Mom a day off from kitchen duty by serving her breakfast in bed or preparing an easy, delicious dinner that’s sure to impress.

“At Family Dollar, we have expanded our Mother’s Day offerings to ensure we have the perfect gift for every mother, stepmother, grandmother, aunt or any other special woman in your life,” said Bob Giles, Divisional Vice President – Merchandise.

Stay up to date on everything Family Dollar offers to help you celebrate Mother’s Day, including hours of operation, recipes, coupons and contests at www.facebook.com/familydollar or Twitter at @myfamilydollar. Customers can check the hours of their local Family Dollar stores at www.familydollar.com.

About Family Dollar

For more than 50 years, Family Dollar has been providing value and convenience to customers in easy-to-shop, neighborhood locations. Family Dollar’s mix of name brands, and quality, private brand merchandise appeals to shoppers in more than 7,800 stores in rural and urban settings across 45 states. Helping families save on the items they need with everyday low prices creates a strong bond with customers who refer to their neighborhood store as “my Family Dollar.” Headquartered in Matthews, North Carolina, just outside of Charlotte, Family Dollar is a Fortune 300, publicly held company with common stock traded on the New York Stock Exchange under the symbol FDO. For more information, please visit www.familydollar.com.

Cervical spondylosis, also known as cervical osteoarthritis or chronic neck pain, is a commonly found disorder in men and women. Simply put, it is a chronic neck pain that is caused due to abnormal wear on the bones and cartilage of the neck. If you discover a narrowed gap between two adjacent vertebrae and if the nerve roots of spinal cord are compressed, it is clear that you are suffering from chronic neck pain. Due to deficiency of blood flow and nerve compression, patients may experience a series of shocks in legs and hands. Severe pain in neck, back, arms, legs or shoulders may also be some of the sure short symptoms of cervical spondylitis.

Diagnosing this disorder is simple in following ways:

• If you feel reduced motion in your neck, it is clear that you are suffering from this particular disorder
• Pain in the head while rotating it laterally is another clear indication
• Feeling electrical blows with neck flexion is a positive sign
• Shoulder or a neck pain on the side where you rotate the head is another positive sign
• Severe pain when you cough, laugh, sneeze, stand, sit or abnormal pain at night are some of other strong signals

Common causes of spondylosis  

The numbers of people suffering from chronic neck pain has increased in the recent past and are expected to rise further in coming years. Here are some of the common causes of spondylosis:

• Being overweight results in to lot of health issues. Lack of exercises and gaining weight makes a person very likely to develop chronic neck pain.
• If you have any past history of neck injury, you are likely to develop this disorder.
• Severe arthritis and slipped or ruptured disk may lead to cervical osteoarthritis.
• A job that demands lifting of heavy weights or twisting and bending your body regularly, would lead to lot of pain in neck, back and body. This may lead to cervical spondylosis.
• Fractures to your spine from the osteoporosis can make you probable to develop this disorder.

Treating spondylosis

Cervical osteoarthritis can be treated in many ways like homeopathy, surgery, physical therapy and natural medications. Most of the treatments for this particular disorder are not subjected to controlled and rigorous trials. Surgery is suggested for only those patients who experience progressive symptoms, stubborn pain or high weakness. Physical therapy is generally effective to restore the range of flexibility, motion and strength of the body. Taking care of this particular disorder is possible in many ways. Natural treatments or homeopathy is effectively considered by people to treat their health issues and disorders. Regular doses of homeopathic tablets or applying formulated oils, creams and gels on body can cure spondylosis.

Stretching and other routine exercises definitely offer relief to the body parts that are in pain. Heat therapies and cold packs also reduce the pain. Cognitive behavioral therapy, a type of talk therapy is helpful to reduce the serious impacts of pain. It is a kind of counseling therapy where you are taught to better understand the pain and are suggested ways to manage it. Whether you are suffering from lumber spondylosis or cervical spondylosis, taking care of the disorder, as soon as you discover it, is a smart way to avoid further complications.

Are you are under a great deal of stress and concerned with your blood pressure? You can do several things to your self to decrease your blood pressure, without taking pills or over the counter medicines. Hand massages, changes in diet and a change in routine may be all you need to your lower blood pressure by 10 points or more.

Sit up straight

Studies have shown that slouching while sitting can raise your blood pressure by 15% or more. When you slouch, your blood does not flow easily and your heart has to work harder to circulate blood to all parts of your body. To sit properly while you work, pick a chair with a firm back that is low enough so that your feet rest on the floor. Then place a small rolled up towel in the small of your back to keep your posture correct. Stretch at least once an hour and take a deep breath as deep breathing exercises have been shown to lower blood pressure in stressed adults.

Massage your fingers

A hand massage can lower your blood pressure by as much as 10 points. Your hands are filled with pressure receptors that send messages directly to the brain, putting you in a calm, relaxed state. Massage your fingers by gently rubbing each finger from the base to the tip and gently pulling and twisting as you go the length of the finger. Next, gently squeeze the skin between your thumb and first finger. Do the is for 10 minutes at least three times a week, and certainly before you visit your doctor for a blood pressure reading.

Sing

Singing can turn off the stress hormones that increase your blood pressure. According to recent studies, singing your favorite songs for 20 minutes daily can send your cortisol levels plunging by 25% or more. Listening to gospel songs, hymns or golden oldies, or what ever type of music calms and inspires you, can have the effect of slowing your beating and relaxing your heart muscles, which in turn lowers your blood pressure.

Eat

Instead of worrying about what not to eat and how to lose weight to bring down your blood pressure, start adding food to your diet. Not any old food, but good food. Eat one fruit with every meal and have fruit for a 10 a.m. snack. That is 4 servings of fruit each day. Then add one green, yellow or red vegetable to lunch and dinner, with a light lettuce salad. You can munch on crunchy orange carrots, cool green cucumbers, sweet yellow bell peppers, and crispy lettuce while your dinner is cooking or while watching television from the couch. No cooking is required on most fruits and vegetables. By eating at least 7 fruits and vegetables each day, you will feel better and be eating a more nutritionally sound diet, plus you will be less likely to eat junk food as you will be full on fruit and vegetables.

In my previous article about 3 minute abs I introduced you to the concept of training your abs as hard as possible in only 3 minutes. Just to recap, choose 3 abdominal exercises and work them for 30 seconds each with no gaps of rest between any of them. When you have done the 3 exercises repeat them all immediately until you have exercised for 3 minutes.

Today I will show you another way to blast your abs in only 3 minutes.

This is what to do:

Exercise #1 for 30 seconds

Exercise #2 for 30 seconds

Repeat three times with no rest between any of the exercises.

This time you are only doing 2 exercises for the 3-minute circuit. The same principles apply as before where you go from one exercise to the other without any rest.

The 2 exercises I have found to work very well are:

Exercise #1 The V Sit Up

Lie face up on the floor with your head touching the floor. Place your arms straight by the side of your head and straighten your legs so they are touching each other.

The aim of the exercise is to bring your legs, arms and head off the floor at the same time. Ideally you should come up so your body imitates a V shape. I have found bringing your head a few inches off the floor and arms and legs around 12 inches off the ground works just as hard for most people. Make sure you start each rep with your head; arms and legs touching the floor so you work in the full range and prevent your neck from hurting.

The tempo should be 2 seconds each way and try and focus on recruiting the abdominal muscles every time you lift off the ground. In other words don’t force your body up by throwing your arms and legs upwards.

Exercise #2 The Plank

Begin lying face down on the floor with your feet together and forearms on the ground; hands should be clenched in a fist. Draw the abs inward, squeeze your backside muscles and lift the entire body off the ground until it forms a straight line from head to toe, remember you are resting on your forearms and toes.

Forearms should be parallel and elbows directly below the shoulders. Keep the back flat throughout your set and chin tucked. Hold this position until you can maintain good form and slowly return to the ground.

Remember when you have done the 2 exercises in a row for 30 seconds each go back to the first and repeat them 3 times so you get a 3 minute workout.

What makes this circuit popular is the fact that you can do it absolutely anywhere and it only takes 3 minutes.

(c) Copyright – Anthony Chapman, All Rights Reserved Worldwide.

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